These babies are not the same....

Nate, 11/1/10

Levi, 10/31/12

These babies are not the same. Sure, you might think it's obvious now, but I didn't exactly realize it until recently. For some reason, I had it in my head that Baby #2 would be born to look and act exactly like Baby #1 had at birth. That didn't happen (Although I do think that they resembled one another in the way that siblings often do!). I thought that Baby #2 would follow exactly in his big brother's footsteps as an infant/toddler. I had no real reason for this belief, except that Baby #1 was all I knew about babies, so I presumed that Baby #2 would be similar. In reality, these babies are not very similar at all.

Nate loved his carseat; Levi hates the carseat.
Nate liked to be rocked to sleep; Levi must be walked/jiggled/bounced OR left alone in his bed.
Nate only slept swaddled in his swing or in my arms; Levi sleeps on his belly in bed.
Nate wanted to sleep in bed with Mommy and Daddy; Levi doesn't want anyone near him while he sleeps.
Nate was happy to be held by anyone willing when he was tired; Levi firmly believes that Mommy's arms are the only ones that comfort him.

Are you sensing a pattern here? My boys have completely different personalities when it comes to SLEEP. I'm sure that they will differ in far greater ways in the future (but at 2.5 months, it's all about sleeping and eating!). Even at this early age, Nate and Levi share so many things: a Mommy and Daddy who love them unconditionally, a safe and warm home, their genetic makeup, and the most darling chubby cheeks imaginable!
I've always heard that you shouldn't compare siblings, but it's impossible not to do so sometimes. And, there are no rights or wrongs between my boys, just differences and similarities--all of which I love. I think I thought/hoped that Levi would be just like Nate because I already knew how much I loved Nate. Now, I'm finding out that Levi is different, and I love him just as much. No matter whether my boys grow up to look like twins and share every interest or are polar opposites in every way, it doesn't matter. I love them both more than I could have ever imagined. They are each perfect in their own way, and I wouldn't want it any differently.

Wordless Wednesday.

Indian Summer days are over....

After a week's worth of sunny skies, temperatures reaching the 80's, and leaf piles, we're getting more "typical" fall weather today. The skies are gray, there's a chill in the air, and the drizzle seems never-ending. Within the next few hours/days, we are supposed to start getting some really nasty weather, compliments of Hurricane Sandy.
And, although I'll admit that I enjoy rainy days like today (there's no better baking weather!), I will miss those gorgeous days outside....

Stay safe and warm, All!

"Somtimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child...."
-Scott Krippayne

My blessings.

I was reminded again yesterday of how very, incredibly blessed I am to have my two boys. No matter how overwhelmed or exhausted I feel, I wouldn't trade this for the world! Motherhood has been my dream since I was a little girl, and this reality is even better than my dreams. There was a time when I was told that I might have trouble conceiving or carrying a baby to full-term. I was terrified that I might never become a mother, and that very idea broke my heart. I educated myself on fertility, and spent many months religiously charting my cycles. When we became pregnant, I spent the majority of those 9 months waiting for something terrible to happen. It wasn't until I held Nathaniel in my arms that I realized that I really was a mother. Then, two years later, I was pregnant again--this time the entire 9 months passed without a single flaw. Levi arrived, and I was the mother of two. Finally.
I might get frustrated sometimes, and the piles of laundry might never get clean. The dishes might sit in the sink longer than they ought, and the baby weight might hang on forever. But, I'm happy! I'm blessed beyond my wildest dreams with these two babies, and nothing can change that.

Wordless Wednesday.

Jigsaw Family.

image from here

Since our little family of three has grown to a "typical" family of four, I've found myself thinking about the roles that we all fill in our lives. I'm a wife, mother x2, daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin, etc. All of the people that I know are intertwined in my life in a certain way, and we fit together very exactly--like a jigsaw puzzle. It's not always easy to fulfill the role that I've been assigned. Life isn't easy, nor is it fair. But, it's possible. Like a jigsaw puzzle, the pieces can fit together in different says...but there is only one correct way. Have you ever crammed two puzzle pieces together because you're sure that they should fit? If they're not truly supposed to fit together, they usually wiggle a bit because they're too loose or they won't quite latch. Sometimes, they really will fit together.....only to be later found as the wrong fit.
Life was starting to feel like that to me. I know that I'm a good momma. I've been a mother for over two years now, and it's been good. Hard at times, but good. These past few months have been the hardest yet. And, thoughts began to creep into my mind...maybe I just wasn't the right fit for Baby #2? Maybe our "puzzle pieces" are being forced together when we don't really fit? Then, like the proverbial load of bricks, it hit me:
God doesn't make mistakes. Ever.

Sure, life as a momma to this little baby is hard. I can deal with it. Philippians 4:13! Our puzzle pieces do fit together perfectly. He'll grow, and we'll change, and life will go on like it always does. Our jigsaw family is a beautiful thing.

Homemade Laundry Detergent.

To make your own laundry detergent, you will need:

20 Mule Team Borax (76 oz)...........................$5
Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda (55 oz)..............$4
Fels Naptha Laundry Bar Soap (1).....................$1
Ivory Soap Bars (10 pack)............................$5
a cheese grater (the finer it grates, the better!)...free (I used an old one that I rarely use in the kitchen)
a large bucket.......................................free (I used an old cat litter bucket)

First of all, you will need to shred the Ivory soap with the grater. Yes, it's a lot of grating--but the soap is very soft, and it's easy. Seriously, it's not bad; I did all 10 bars in about 15 minutes (while shooing toddler fingers out of the bowl).

Next, grate the Fels Naptha bar soap into the Ivory. This is a bit harder--be glad that there's only one bar this time! When you're finished, mix the shredded soaps with the borax and the washing soda in a large bucket. Mix thoroughly. That's it! You've made your very own laundry detergent!

I use about two tablespoons per load in my HE frontloader.

Why make my own laundry soap? Because it's more economical AND allows me to control the ingrediants (no added scents, chemicals, etc). I've used this detergent on several loads of laundry, and it's worked wonderfully. My real test was a full load of dirty cloth diapers and wipes....and it passed with flying colors! There was no odor, residue, or grime left on any of my laundry! If you're interested, you can use white vinegar in place of fabric softener, and it will make your clothes softer (no, there is no vinegar smell). Both are safe for HE washers.
I saved my receipt because I wanted to include my exact cost for making this detergent, but my husband threw it away. The prices above are all approximate (averaged to the next dollar amount). I found all of the ingrediants in my local grocery store's laundry section (except Ivory soap, which was in the hygiene section). My total cost for the homemade detergent was <$15, and it made about double the amount of powdered detergent that I usually buy (for about $15).

Wordless Wednesday.

letter.

My Darling Levi,
I've debated about whether or not I should write this post because I'm afraid that you'll find it someday and think that I didn't love you like I should. And, that's not the way it is at all--I love you so very, very much, my precious baby. I've decided to go ahead and write this as a letter to you. This is for you to read someday, perhaps when you have a baby of your own?
Over the past few months, I have felt drained, exhausted, hopeless, and angry about your sleeping habits (or lack thereof). I haven't always been patient or gentle or loving toward you, and I'm not proud of that. You cry a lot, and it's not easy to console you. We've spent the last two months listening to you cry for hours almost every night, and nothing that your Daddy or I do makes you stop. Some nights, you scream until your little body is so exhausted that you sleep because you simply can't do anything else. Some nights, you want nothing to do with us, and you put yourself to sleep. Some nights, you eventually let us comfort you. And, recently, we've had some nights that you allow me to rock you to sleep--with only a little fussing and no screaming at all!
I hate to hear/see you crying, and it breaks my heart when we don't know how to help you. I'm tired, I'm confused, and I want to help. You're easily over-stimulated, and I fear that we cause your nightly crying sometimes by simply leaving the house during the day. I'm sorry, sweetheart, but we truly cannot stay home all the time. If I could, I would do anything to make you feel better.
You're a difficult baby...and I wasn't ready for you. But, I am getting better--and we will both be better for it. I truly feel that I'm a better mom now because I've had a baby who isn't always ready and willing to do whatever I want. I've prayed that this period would pass quickly, and I believe that it is. Maybe even a little too quickly? You're not a champion sleeper [yet!], nor am I the perfect mother. But, we are all learning how to handle each other, and we will find our own perfect.
Last night, you slept 6 hours straight! That was the longest stretch that either of us has slept since before you were born. Thank you for the sleep (keep up the good work!), and thank you for being you. I love you so very much, my sweet little boy.
Love, Mommy

Fall Family Photos.

2 months.

Two months ago, I had just labored for 12 hours, and was cuddling my newest little one in my arms. In some ways, it feels as though that afternoon was just yesterday, and in other ways, it truly feels as though Levi has always been a part of our family. We've always wanted at least two children, and while Nate is an amazing and perfect little boy, our family simply didn't feel complete when it was just the three of us. Now, for the past two months, we have felt whole. Our boys are our everything, and I couldn't ask for more.

Levi weighs 13 pounds & 9 ounces, and he is 22 inches long! My little chubalub is gaining weight like a champ, and I'm so proud--he's almost doubled his weight in just 2 months! He has never eaten anything except breastmilk, and he is thriving. Right now, he usually nurses every two or three hours during the day, and every three or four hours during the night.

The nights of inconsolable crying seem to be coming to an end--slowly, but surely. Levi still is very fussy, and usually difficult to keep asleep (getting him to sleep isn't the problem; it's keeping him asleep through that first sleep cycle!) in the evenings. But, we've been averaging a bedtime of midnight (rather than 2am), and sometimes even earlier!

When he's awake, Levi seems to enjoy laying in the baby gym, watching the ceiling fans (Nate's favorite infant activity!), and watching his big brother play! He is a very happy baby--always full of smiles for everyone. And, just recently, he has begun to laugh--so adorable!

Wordless Wednesday.

Weekend Love.

We spent our weekend celebrating autumn and spending lots of family time. We attended our local fall festival and county fair on both Friday evening and Saturday morning. On Saturday afternoon/evening, Eric and I had a date night, while the boys spent some quality time with Nana and Grandpa. Then, as if to celebrate a wonderful weekend, Levi slept wonderfully on Saturday night!

Watching Them Love.

Eric and I are coming up on our 4th wedding anniversary soon. Before we were married, we dated for several years--and before that, we were good friends. I've loved him for a long time. Nathaniel is 2 years old. I've loved him since long before he was ever born. But now, I love them both a little differently because I get to see them differently.
A new baby changes the whole dynamic of a household, and it's a beautiful thing. I've known Eric as my husband, my partner, my best friend, my other half--but, now I see him in a totally different role: a father, first of one, now of two. He's an amazing daddy, and I get a front row seat to watch daily! Nate was my first baby--the one who made me a mommy. Now, I get to watch him be a big brother--and he's awesome! Watching them love is such an incredible, indescribable thing. I wish there were words to tell you how it feels to watch my husband be the best father that he can be because he loves our boys that much, but there are no words. I wish I could describe the pride and joy that I feel when I see my oldest son loving on his baby brother. And, the fact that the baby saves his biggest smiles for his big brother? Incredible. Being a momma is such an awesome reward, but watching my loves love each other is the ultimate.