Loving Two.

I found this poem a few minutes ago, and it really seemed to hit home for me. Obviously, I don't have Baby #2 in my arms yet (and he's a boy!), but I do find myself "worrying" about loving two babies sometimes. I keep telling myself that Nate will love having a sibling (eventually!), and that, in my opinion, a sibling is one of the very best gifts I could ever give him. But, while I wholeheartedly believe both of those things to be true, I can't help but worry about my boy and his transition from Only Child to Big Brother. I know that we'll all have adjustments to make, and I know that everything will work out--and I even know that life will be amazing with two children! But, there's a little part of me that is secretly dreading the moment when my little boy realizes that he isn't the one and only center of our world any longer.


LOVING TWO

I walk along holding your two year old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly, I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you? Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't." I know, in fact, that I never can again. You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship that we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again. But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her- as though I am betraying you. But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection. More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times -- only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you--only differently. And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you--you each have your own supply. I love you both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
-Author Unknown

Wordless Wednesday.

Happy Monday!

Mothers' Day.

My biggest source of pride and my favorite blessing is a little boy who calls me "momma" every single day. He might only be three feet tall, but he's taken over every aspect of my life. He's sweet and gentle and busy--and just a little bit spoiled! He's growing and learning, and he's going to be the best big brother in the world very soon. I love him with a love that I cannot even begin to describe. It's a love that I can't even imagine feeling for another human being--but, I know that I will, and I cannot wait!
My very favorite moment of the day is the first few moments that we're awake in the morning. Sunlight filters into the bedroom through the curtains, and Nate curls his little body tight up against my side. He rests his head on my pillow, and his arms clutch his teddy bear and while his fingers lace in and out of my own. We're still drowsy, but the thumps coming from my midsection let me know that my littlest guy is already wide awake! I hold my "bigger" little boy with one arm, and rest the other arm on the acrobat in my tummy. I know that we've got lots of changes headed our way within the next few months, and I can't wait--but, right now, this is as good as it gets. I close my eyes and relax, thankful for so many blessings.
I've been spoiled today, not only with cards and flowers and a mani/pedi gift certificate(!), but with love! I am so very blessed beyond belief. I know that my little one loves me (and doesn't even begin to understand the concept of Mothers' Day), but seeing his proud little face this morning as he handed me the "quack-quack" card that he picked out himself was precious. Likewise, I know that my husband loves and appreciates me every day, but reading his heartfelt words in his own card this morning was a tearjerker! Sometimes, I can't help but wonder why I am so blessed. I'm not a perfect mom, and I'm far from a perfect person--why has God entrusted me with such a precious husband and little boy(s)? I definitely don't deserve this life. I am humbled and honored by all that I have on this Mothers' Day, and I sincerely hope that you are as blessed as I.

Happy Mothers' Day!!

New Ride!

We bought a new car today. As excited as I am for a {bigger!} new set of wheels, I am a little reminiscent about our "old" car.

Eric bought our little blue Aveo during the summer before we were married. That little car carried us on many date nights that summer/fall. It took us from our wedding ceremony to the reception, and later that night to our very first home together. That little car carried us off on our honeymoon. It carted us around during our early years of marriage--to work, on dinner dates, to get our new pets. It took us on our first vacations. It moved many of our belongings from our first rented house to our first bought house. It carried us to the hospital to turn our little family of two into three. That car carried our sweet baby boy home for the very first time. That little car has carted our tiny family in our day to day lives for a long time.

But, as nostalgic as I might feel, it's time for a change--primarily because two carseats would not fit in the backseat of the Aveo comfortably, not to mention gear for two kids!

So, we waved "bye bye" to our little blue car today, and welcomed a Nissan Rogue to be our new family vehicle! Here's to hoping that we don't have too much "kid gear" for a mini-SUV (at least not for a while yet!)!

100 days!

There are only 100 days left until August 17th (Baby Boy's due date)! That means that it is very likely that we could meet our littlest guy in LESS THAN 100 days! (Or, a few more than 100 days....) It also means that in only 101 days, my "little" big boy will turn TWO YEARS OLD! When they say that time flies, they aren't a kiddin'!

For the love of duckies...

Nate has always had a fondness for animals of any kind. Right now, the majority of his vacabulary has something to do with animals/animal sounds. His favorite books are about animals, his favorite toys are toy animals, and his favorite places are the zoo and the park. Why the park? One word: DUCKS! Ducks are currently competing for the top spot as Nate's favorite animal (also in the race: dogs and kitties). He is constantly asking to go see the "quack quacks" at the park--every single time we climb into the car, we hear a little voice questioning, "Quack quack?" from the backseat. And, a few times a week, we oblige and visit the ducks. Nate can spot a duck from a mile away--swimming, sleeping, even hiding! To our great excitement, we discovered a whole family of baby ducks at the park a few days ago.

Among Nate's other current favorite things? His flock of rubber ducks in the bathtub, and his stuffed quacking ducky that he found all by himself at a second-hand sale. (And, since it's second-hand, Mommy and Daddy can only wonder when the duck will succumb to silence....!)

Wordless Wednesday.

May Day!

Today is the first day of May. I can hardly believe how quickly April flew by, and now I'm hoping that May takes its good old time! In the past, May has always been a bit of an exciting month. In elementary school, May was a month of field trips and rediscovering the backyard. In high school, May was the end of the school year and the beginning of summers full of friends and late nights. During college, May was finals and clearing out of the dorms. Twice, I've graduated during the month of May. Once, I eagerly anticipated moving home for a summer with my new boyfriend. Once during May, Eric and I were moving back to the USA and happily planning our wedding. Two Mays ago, we were settling into our new house and unpacking a new baby's nursery. This year, May means that we only have three more months until our second baby is due (!!!). It means that we only have three more months until Nathaniel turns TWO YEARS OLD!! It means that Eric is almost finished with his first full year of teaching high school. It means that I can finally get more plants into our ground here in Zone 6. But, best of all, May of 2012 means that our summer is on the brink of beginning! Our weather today is gorgeous--sunny, 74 degrees, and just a bit of a breeze rustling through the trees. It's a perfect May 1. Happy May Day!