letter.

My Darling Levi,
I've debated about whether or not I should write this post because I'm afraid that you'll find it someday and think that I didn't love you like I should. And, that's not the way it is at all--I love you so very, very much, my precious baby. I've decided to go ahead and write this as a letter to you. This is for you to read someday, perhaps when you have a baby of your own?
Over the past few months, I have felt drained, exhausted, hopeless, and angry about your sleeping habits (or lack thereof). I haven't always been patient or gentle or loving toward you, and I'm not proud of that. You cry a lot, and it's not easy to console you. We've spent the last two months listening to you cry for hours almost every night, and nothing that your Daddy or I do makes you stop. Some nights, you scream until your little body is so exhausted that you sleep because you simply can't do anything else. Some nights, you want nothing to do with us, and you put yourself to sleep. Some nights, you eventually let us comfort you. And, recently, we've had some nights that you allow me to rock you to sleep--with only a little fussing and no screaming at all!
I hate to hear/see you crying, and it breaks my heart when we don't know how to help you. I'm tired, I'm confused, and I want to help. You're easily over-stimulated, and I fear that we cause your nightly crying sometimes by simply leaving the house during the day. I'm sorry, sweetheart, but we truly cannot stay home all the time. If I could, I would do anything to make you feel better.
You're a difficult baby...and I wasn't ready for you. But, I am getting better--and we will both be better for it. I truly feel that I'm a better mom now because I've had a baby who isn't always ready and willing to do whatever I want. I've prayed that this period would pass quickly, and I believe that it is. Maybe even a little too quickly? You're not a champion sleeper [yet!], nor am I the perfect mother. But, we are all learning how to handle each other, and we will find our own perfect.
Last night, you slept 6 hours straight! That was the longest stretch that either of us has slept since before you were born. Thank you for the sleep (keep up the good work!), and thank you for being you. I love you so very much, my sweet little boy.
Love, Mommy

Zzzz...or lack thereof.

Forewarning: If this post seems a little bizarre to you, it's because I'm too sleepy to be blogging--but am doing so anyway because Nate is napping and Levi is content (he's not asleep or you know I would be too!). So, judge away, you well-rested reader, but I'm not worried about run-on sentences, typos, or paragraphs full of nonsense today!
Remember that post a few days ago when I said that Levi's "colic" was getting better? And that he was sleeping more? I fully retract those statements. Last night, he went to sleep at 2am and woke up at 5am. He slept again from 6am until 8am. We slept 5 hours total, ya'll. FIVE. Then, of course, the baby has been napping on and off ever since.....but the mommy has been awake with a very alert and busy toddler.
I was hoping to get a good start on our Fall Family Bucket List this weekend, but that might need to be put on hold for sleeping purposes. Or, maybe he'll sleep tonight! Maybe we'll all get a full 8 hours of sleep! Maybe? I keep telling myself that it has to get better soon....it can't get much worse, can it?
I apologize that this entire post is a complaint, but I'm too tired to think of anything real to write about. I don't function well without sleep, and I hate how I am when I'm tired. I'm cranky and grumpy and mean and forgetful; my poor family is probably more annoyed at me than at the non-sleeping baby! But, like I said before, this has to end soon. Someday I'll miss these sleepless nights, right?
To celebrate our weekend, we are excited to be spending the evening with family. Spaghetti for Daddy, a break for Mommy, lots of attention from his favorite uncles for Nate, and Nana snuggles for Levi! No matter how our evening progresses later, we will be enjoying ourselves tonight!
In closure, I will leave you with this photo of my sleeping baby.....or is it a mirage?

Happy Weekend, All!

Grow Up!

After a truly horrible week last week, Levi's colic has been getting better recently. His nightly 3-hour screamfest has turned into a hit-or-miss event, and the "miss" nights are a much welcomed surprise at bedtime. Also, he's begun sleeping for 4-hour stretches in the early morning hours--quite a relief for mommy! It seems that we've gotten the gas issue under control by doing more tummy time when Levi is awake, and by allowing him to sleep on his belly for naptime. I've cut tomatoes and some dairy from my diet, but will probably attempt to re-introduce them soon (I'm not sure that they have affected Levi, but they did so for Nate, and I'm willing to try anything!). All three of the colic medications/gas drops were a bust. I truly believe that the gas issues we've experienced with Levi have simply been a result of his immature digestive system, and been "normal" for babies (keeping in mind, of course, that normal varies). As he's getting older, it's getting better--and, I hope, will continue to do so. The evening screaming has improved (partially, I like to think, because we've fixed the gas problem). On the other hand, he might just be changing his ways because I threatened to sell him to gypsies a few nights ago. (Sorry about that, Little One, I promise to keep you! But, if you still scream like this in 18 years, you won't have any friends in college; I wasn't lying about that part!)
Honestly, what I feel that I'm gaining from this sleep-deprived experience is that I don't like the newborn stage. (I think I knew that with Nate, but I didn't admit it!) I love my boys as newborns, and I love a squishy little newbie snuggle, and I love the smell of a newborn's head....but, really, I like big babies better! I can't wait to get to the laughing, sitting, crawling, walking, talking stages! Maybe it's the interaction, maybe it's the "less work", or maybe it's just the adjustment, I don't know. But, I do know that I can't wait for Levi to be just a few months older! I hate to wish time away, but for the life of me, I can't help it when I've been holding an inconsolable baby for the second hour in a row. At 1 AM.
All that being said, I was a little bit sad this morning when I packed away my maternity clothes and Levi's newborn outfits. Isn't it funny how a little blue sleeper only brings back memories of tiny cuddles and sweet newborn sleep--when it was worn so much more often by a noisy, red-faced baby who refused to sleep? I guess it will be a while longer before those memories fade enough for me to want to pull out those maternity clothes again....and, until then, I will be thoroughly enjoying my boys as they grow and grow!

1 month.

Levi is one month old today! Maybe it's the fact that he's #2, or maybe it's just that I'm busier now, but I feel like Levi's first month has passed a whole lot faster than Nate's first month did!

Levi is now 21 inches long, and he weighs 10 pounds and 8 ounces. ( (That's up almost 3.5 pounds from 20 in, 7 lb 1.5 oz at birth!). My chunky little guy is growing fast!

Like most newborns, Levi spends lots of time sleeping. He usually is awake for 3 or 4 hours a day (usually in 1 hour increments). He loves to look around when he's awake, and is usually happiest simply laying in the floor observing. He loves to watch his big brother playing, and Nate is often happy to oblige in including Levi in the fun ("feeding" him toy food or driving matchbox cars on top of him). Levi likes to look at his Baby Look Book and the dropped ceiling in our bedroom. He hates bathtime.

Recently, Levi has started socially smiling. All I have to say about that is ADORABLE!

I'm nursing Levi, and he is a great eater (in case the weight gain didn't clue you in!). He nurses approximately every 3 hours during the day (more often if he's having trouble falling asleep), and about as often during the night. We are still having problems with the colic/gas/whatever it is that makes a baby cry in pain on a regular basis. We've tried several different methods that claim to cure colic (store products, massage, etc), but none of them have helped.

Recently, I've discovered that the best way to "cure" Levi's pain is to lay him on his belly. When he's crying, it's about a 50/50 shot of calming him. When he's asleep, it makes him sleep longer, helps him expel the gas painlessly while asleep, and allows him wake up happily (instead of crying in pain). I'm aware that it is recommended that babies sleep only on their backs (to decrease the risk of SIDS), and that is why, at this time, I only allow Levi to sleep on his belly during the daytime when we can keep an eye on him.

Keep Growing, Little One!!

Colicky babe.

I don't really know how to begin this post, other than by warning you that it's simply going to be a rant about things going on in our house right now. It's not going to be pretty or funny, but it's life right now. And, I somehow feel compelled to throw out a few blog posts about how rotten things are just because 1)it's our life, and I want to remember it all. Even the uber crummy parts. And 2)I have nothing else to blog about.
You know how my last post referred to Levi as a "somewhat colicky baby"? Yeah, that has shifted to "Super Duper Colicky Baby" now. (Yes, he even requires the capital letters.) Levi cries. A lot. He cries for long periods of time (last night, it was 9:50pm until 12:05am), and there is nothing I can do about it. If you're a mother, you know how heart-breaking it is to know that your baby needs something when you're unable to provide it. If you're not a mother, you know how stinkin' annoying a screaming baby is. We've tried it all; I'm getting to be a pro at the old "bounce and shush" routine! I swaddle, I rock, I sing, I pace the floor at 4am. Nothing. We've spent over $30 on gripe water and colic tablets and gas drops. We're exhausted, and so is the poor little guy.
Obviously, all of this is not Levi's fault--it's not anybody's fault (which, admittedly, is frustrating at 2am when I really want to blame someone!). He's not being purposefully difficult, and when he's not in pain from gas bubbles, he really is a pleasant baby! But still, we're tired, and he's miserable so very often.
Oh, and I have a cold now. I've spent the past several days with my nose in the tissue box, and now I can feel a sore throat making its way in. Losing my voice would eliminate the one single activity that I can do with Nate on a regular basis (reading a story while nursing a baby), so I'm praying to avoid that. Thankfully, nobody else in the house has caught my sickness [yet], primarily the littlest one.
So, rather than just the regular difficulties of a new mom (you know, showering every three days, and being covered in spit-up and poo on a regular basis), these are the struggles of here and now. I've whined and complained plenty to my husband (just in case he missed the screaming baby in our bedroom last night), and now I've vented here. It makes me feel better--even if it makes you cringe. It is what it is, and all I can do is continue to do what I'm doing. It's a struggle, but we will get through it! Know how I know? Because Levi smiled at me yesterday! Real baby smiles for his momma! Happy Friday!

In other news, before publishing this post, I took a quick break to change an enormously disgusting diaper. And, while washing my hands afterward, discovered that our water line is full of air and brown-tinted water. Ugh. C'mon, positive attitude, stay for the weekend!