What I'm Loving...



our little family.



my sweet, sweet baby.

hints of the beautiful fall colors to come.



autumn comfort foods.



my fall decorations on the mantle.

 {Can you tell that autumn is my favorite season?}

Bellybutton.

     Nathaniel has a bellybutton!  Finally.  After attempting to keep his umbilical cord stump attached to his midsection for a record-breaking length of time, Nate finally lost it at 5 weeks and 6 days!  (I found it in his clothes when I changed his diaper at 4:30 this morning...) 
     I'm so glad that it finally came off because this means that A) he can finally have a real bath; B) the doctor won't have to remove it (he threatened this if it wasn't off by our next appointment); C) he won't have a stump oozing all over his clothes every day.
     YAY for Nathaniel's BELLYBUTTON!!

Mama.

     Motherhood.  I've never wanted anything in my life more than I wanted to be a mommy.  I played with baby dolls constantly as a little girl; and when I grew out of dolls, I babysat every weekend!  I went to college and earned a degree, but when I thought about where I imagined myself in 5 or 10 years--it was as a mother, not as a bigwig career woman. 
     Eric and I talked about children before we were married; we knew that we both wanted kids, but we also knew that, realistically, we would have to wait a little while.  And, we did.  I hated waiting; I wanted a baby so badly.  So, I spent my time working in a daycare where I got to play with other peoples' babies all day.  Instead of quenching my baby fever, it only made it worse!  By the time that we finally got pregnant, I could not wait for my baby to be in my arms!  I truly loved being pregnant--but it does not even begin to compare to being a mama.

     After Nathaniel was born, the strangest thing happened: I realized that I did not know my baby.  Despite living in my belly for almost 9 months, he was a stranger.  I knew about other babies; in fact, I knew more about my primary care children from work than I did about my own son!  I felt like I knew how to take care of a baby, but I did not know how to be a mommy.  I held him and I kissed him, but I didn't feel like I was doing it right.  The first 24 hours of Nate's life was a blur of visitors and nurse checks.  Everyone else held my baby, and I felt like we couldn't quite connect.  Did he even know who I was?  When someone asked me if his toes were long like his fingers, I realized that I had never even seen his toes!  The nurses had been taking care of him, and I had only held him wrapped in a blanket.  I felt like a terrible mother. 

     The next day, Nathaniel was quarantined to the nursery to stay under the biliruben light.  I cried.  Despite feeling terrible for him and missing him, I realized something else--I loved him!  36 hours after he was born, I felt an overwhelming love for my baby that I could not even imagine beforehand.  I know that I loved him before I wasn't allowed to hold him (I loved my child before I even felt him kick in my tummy), but I didn't realize the strength of that love until then.

     Since then, my love for Nathaniel has only grown stronger and stronger every single day.  I'm learning to be a mommy, and he seems to approve!  I love the way that he snuggles against my neck and falls asleep; I love the way he purses his lips at me to nurse; I love the way that he relaxes when I pick him up; I love the way that I'm seeing the tiniest hints of a smile when he looks at me now.

     Sure, I've had lots of experience with babies, but this is different.  Before, I soothed babies and cuddled children, but I always knew that I wasn't the best--mommies are the best at those things.  I rocked babies, but I wasn't sure what position was each babies' favorite--only mommies know those things.  Now I know.  I know Nate's favorite way to fall asleep, and I know how to comfort him when he's upset.  When he gets upset in someone else's arms, they hand him to me, and he calms down immediately.  I love it!  Being a mommy is the most amazing, rewarding task in the world--and I'm only 6 weeks in.  I never thought that I wouldn't mind being woken up at 4 am to feed him, but I don't mind it at all.  I don't mind the poopy diapers.  When he cries because his belly hurts, it breaks my heart!  I have never been so in love before.

What I'm Loving...

Nathaniel, who is so much more aware of his surroundings recently.

Grover: the most insane dog ever.

The very first hints of fall.

1 month.

    Nathaniel is one month old!  {plus 2 days!}  I cannot believe that we've been together for a whole month already; it seems like we just came home from the hospital.  We've spent the past month getting to know each other while I juggle my roles as mother and wife.  Nathaniel spends his days napping and nursing, with more than a few diaper changes in between!  He's been spending more and more time awake daily--during which he loves to be outside on the deck or snuggled up listening to a bedtime story {He prefers English,  Spanish, or French--thank you very much!}. 

     Nate's other favorite pastime is making dinosaur noises.  He enjoys making them at all times, no matter where we are--during his meals, outside on the deck, at the store, while he sleeps, during storytime, in the middle of a church service!  Dinosaur noises are a sign that this baby is a happy baby.

     At his one month doctor appointment, we received all good news.  Nate is now 21.75 inches long, and he weighs 7 lbs and 15 oz.  In the doctor's words, our baby is "thriving"!  The worst part of the appointment was Nate's second Hep B shot--which wasn't nearly as bad as Mommy had anticipated!  Nate flinched, let out a single cry, then enjoyed his pacifier along with lots of cuddles.  He got a Snoopy bandaid for all the trouble. 

What I'm Loving...

My precious little one who can sleep through anything.



The way that my husband has so easily transitioned into a father.





Little Beans, who continues to hate the dog with a passion, but loves the baby.



Leftover s'more bars.



The view from my deck.

 And, lastly, while we're sailing through these last rich days of summer into my favorite time of the year, I'm loving the promise of a trip to the beach next summer with our baby who will be just on the brink of little boy-hood...

Dear Nathaniel...

"No one else will ever know the strength of my love for you;
Afterall, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside!"

Fudgy S'More Bars.

These s'more bars are pretty, kid-friendly, and, most importantly, delicious!  I made them for our annual church picnic, where I received lots of compliments.  And, best of all, they only took about 20 minutes to make!

CRUST
1 C crushed graham crackers (about 12)
1/2 C flour
3/4 C packed brown sugar
1/2 t baking soda
1/2 C butter, softened

TOPPING
4 C mini marshmallows
1 C M&M's {I probably used close to 2 C}
1/4 C hot fudge topping (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Grease a 9x13 inch pan with cooking spray.  In a large bowl, beat crust ingredients together with an electric mixer on low speed until course crumbs form, scraping bowl occasionally.  Press mixture evenly in bottom of pan.

Bake 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown.  Sprinkle marshmallows over crust; bake 1 to 2 minutes longer or until marshmallows begin to puff. {I think it took about 3 to 4 minutes before my marshmallows puffed.}

Sprinkle M&M's evenly over marshmallows {A lot of my M&M's sank into the gooey marshmallows; next time, I think I'll wait a minute before sprinkling them on--not too long though because they need to stick!}; drizzle warm topping over top {I skipped this part because I forgot to buy hot fudge sauce.}. 

Cool completely; about 1 hour.  Cut into 8 rows by 4 rows (32 bars).

Enjoy!

Before.

     Pregnancy.  It's a loaded word--some people crave it, some people dread it.  Everybody knows that it's a big deal--like, life-changing important.  You know that pregnancy test commercial where it tells you "x" number of days before any other test will?  I think that commercial is a load of crap because any test will tell you if you're pregnant when your body has enough hCG in it {and that amount is different for everyone}; but I do think that is does a nice job of demonstrating the gravity of a pregnancy (planned or not). 
     Before I saw those two pink lines on a test of my own, I couldn't wait to be pregnant!  Making a baby is fun, right?  Well, it sure is....but then when you realize what is happening, you suddenly realize that you're totally clueless about pregnancy.  {Wait, it's more than just popping a prenatal vitamin nightly?}  Like any educated woman in 2010 would do, I headed straight for the source of all information: a Google search.  In just 0.16 seconds, I had "about 428,000,000" links to read about the whole growing a baby human process.  Cool.  I had nine months to narrow it down.
     Reading about pregnancy was my favorite pregnancy hobby.  I bought every prenatal book that I could get my hands on--and Eric can vouch to say that there are a lot of books about pregnancy!  I loved learning about my body and my baby, and how they were working together.  My absolute favorite thing to read about was what my baby was doing each week.  "Hey Honey, our baby is growing ears this week!"  It was fascinating to learn about how a whole tiny human could form so quickly--and amazing to think that it was happening inside my own body! 
     But, the miracle of life isn't the only thing that those books discuss.  They also describe in great detail miscarriages, pregnancy side-effects, birth defects, and stillbirths.  In the beginning, these sections are easy enough to flip past...but as the pregnancy progresses and the doctor is running precautionary tests for about 400 different problems, you have to wonder.  My baby passed every single prenatal test perfectly with flying colors--and I still worried about him.  What if?
     For me, the actual pregnancy was a breeze.  That horrible first trimester?  Nah, it wasn't so bad.  Sure, I was nauseous daily, and completely exhausted by 6 pm.  But, it was worth it.  The second trimester meant that I was finally able to eat dinners again, I woke up, and I finally started to look pregnant!  Again, not so bad, right?  For me, the third trimester was the worst--and by "worst", I mean that it wasn't my favorite.  I was very pregnant in the dead of summer.  The heat felt absolutely suffocating to me, and, my ankles were swollen.  My belly was so big that it made my back hurt whenever I worked for longer than 4 hours.  (I'm guessing that having a job that doesn't require the constant lifting of small children and crawling around on the floor may help to prevent this symptom.)  But, every night when I would lay down on the couch and bemoan my achy body, I would feel my precious baby moving around within me, and I remembered what an amazing thing I was doing.  Who cares about swollen feet?  I was having a baby!!
     The further along I got, the less I worried about one problem (miscarriage), but the more I started to worry about another (birth).  I think that I began to doubt myself more than my baby.  I wasn't worried about him--he was a tough little guy who had endured 9 months in the womb, and, despite borderline pre-eclampsia, was thriving.  I worried about my own body and endurance.  Could I really give birth vaginally?  Would I be able to stay conscious in the event of a c-section? 
     For the duration of my pregnancy, I told myself that I wasn't scared of the birthing process.  Millions of women have given birth all over the world forever (most without any pain medication)--it can't be that bad, right?  This actually worked to calm my fears....until about a week before I gave birth.  During the last few days, I started to get nervous.  What if it hurts more than I can handle?  What if I can't push him out?  What if there is something wrong with my baby?  What if I get him out, but then don't know how to be a mother?  All of these fears are completely logical and rational--and especially scary when you're doped up on pregnancy hormones. 
     Despite the fact that it only took about 10 seconds for the reality of pregnancy to hit me nine months before, it took a while for me to realize that the outcome of this whole ordeal was going to be a real baby.  I could feel him moving constantly, and I had seen lots of ultra-sound pictures of the little guy--but it still didn't seem real.  When I was admitted to the hospital, I think that the reality started to hit me when I saw the little bassinet next to my bed.  And, it already had the tiny hat laying there ready for him! 
     After I had been in labor for hours, I suddenly realized that this was it.  I was ready to push--and then I would have my son in my arms!  He would not be inside of me, scheduled to come out "soon", but rather he would be right in front of me!  While the nurses rushed around preparing themselves and the room, reality hit me, and I was terrified.  I was scared of giving birth, and I was even more scared to be a mom!  I looked at my husband, and it frightened me to think that we would be parents within just a few minutes--we didn't know anything about babies or parenting--what were were thinking?! 
     In an effort to calm myself, I used my go-to line: "Women all over the world have been giving birth forever.  Your body was made to give birth.  You can do it!"  Nope, nothing.  I wasn't scared of the pain anymore (the epidural had taken care of that!), but I was scared of being a mother.  Then, I realized something else: This is the day that I've been waiting for my whole, entire life.  I've wanted to be a mommy since I was four years old and collecting baby dolls.  My son wasn't coming out as a rambunctious 3-year-old or a wild 17-year-old; he was coming into this world as a helpless little baby who only wants his mommy.  I could handle it.  And, I did. 
     I would do it all over again in a heartbeat--the pregnancy, the birth, the crying infant at 4 am--it's all so much more than "worth it" when it happens.  I love being a mommy more than I have ever loved any other job or label.  Nathaniel is perfect, and I wouldn't trade a second with him for anything.  As scary as the whole process was, I really believe that some people are just born to be parents--and I think that Eric and I are both those people.  We won't always be perfect, and I'm sure we'll make lots of mistakes along the way, but Nathaniel is the luckiest baby because he is loved.  He is loved more than he will ever know, and that, my friend, is way more important than knowing how to push a baby out or how to breastfeed.  If you give a baby all the love in the world, everything else will follow.

What I'm Loving...



My two favorites snuggled up together.



Sweet summertime.



Smudgie, who rules the house with an iron paw--despite the dog's size.



Flan.  Even the fact that they actually make instant flan in a box--let alone the fact that it's delicious and strangely similar to the real thing!



If only...

Hey, check that out...

Mom, are you taking pictures of me?  Again?

Seriously?  You already took two!

Okay, this is getting ridiculous!  I'm not even doing anything...

Oh, what the heck!  Take as many as you want...crazy picture lady!

1 week.

     Nathaniel is one week old already!  We've been home from the hospital since Saturday evening, and we're settling into a wonderful routine.  Nate is a perfect baby--he rarely cries, sleeps in almost perfect 4-hour increments, and is breastfeeding like a champ!  He loves to snuggle with Mommy and Daddy, and hates to have his diaper changed. 

     Eric is back to work now, so my days are spent at home, full of baby--and I could not be happier!  I knew that I liked babies, and I knew that I would love my baby best, but the way that I actually feel about Nathaniel is absolutely indescribable.  He is perfect and beautiful, and I cannot even imagine my life without him in it now.  I know it sounds silly and cliche, but I really do find myself just watching him sleep.  I can stare at him for hours when he's just making little infant noises and looking around at the big, new world around him.  Instead of watching television or reading, I watch Nate.  I am in love with this little boy so much already, and I cannot even begin to imagine how he's going to change our lives in the future--he's already rocked our world without even knowing it!

Welcome Home, Baby!

     After Nathaniel was born, he had a slight fever.  The doctors don't treat an infant's post-birth fever unless it's over 100.3; Nathaniel's was 100.4, so he was put on precautionary anti-biotics for 48 hours.  When he was about a day old, he began to develop jaundice.  This is a very common problem in infants, especially infants who are born early.  The jaundice treatment simply meant that Nate had to spend 24 hours under a special light to help break down the biliruben in his bloodstream.

     I knew that this wasn't a "big deal" for newborn babies, but it was a big deal to me.  For an entire day in the hospital, I was only allowed to hold my baby for a half an hour every four hours (to feed him).  Visitors were stopping by to see the new baby, and we had no baby to show them.  I think that it was during this day that I realized just how much this tiny baby that I barely knew already meant to me!  We had been as close as physically possible for months, and suddenly, not only were we no longer physically connected--but we were separated by space and hospital regulations.  I missed him tremendously, and was miserable without him.  Thankfully, Nathaniel did not seem to be nearly as upset as I was--he enjoyed his second day lounging under a warm light where nobody from this big, new world bothered him.
   After staying at the hospital for an extra night so that Nathaniel could finish his treatments, we were finally released to come home on Saturday, August  21 at 7 pm.  We packed up our bags, and eagerly picked up our baby from the nursery.  Nathaniel's new car seat made him look even tinier than his 6 and a half pounds!

     Our ride home was uneventful, and we entered our house as a new family of three.  Nate was unimpressed with his new home, instead choosing to sleep through his tour.  Smudgie and Beans (our cats), on the other hand, were very interested in the new guy...

Welcome home, Nathaniel!  We love having you here, and cannot wait to show you more about life around this place!

Birth Story.

     After a I'm-even-more-excited-than-a-5-year-old-on-Christmas-Eve sleepless night, Eric and I were up and arriving at the hospital at 6 am on August 17th.  We filled out some paperwork, then we were ushered upstairs to Labor and Delivery.  I was placed in Birthing Room 5, which was completely ready for both me and the baby.  I think that seeing the bassinet waiting with a tiny hat and itty bitty hospital bracelets really made me realize that this was it--my baby was really coming! 
     At 7 am, the nurse insert my IV, and a Pitocin drip was started to begin my contractions.  My doctor arrived at the same time, and told me that my cervix was about 75% effaced and already dilated 2 centimeters.  Since I wasn't thrilled with the idea of being induced, I was glad to hear that my body had already begun preparing itself for labor naturally.  The doctor said that she was only going to leave me on the Pitocin until 1 pm, then stop it for the night because she simply wanted to use that day to get my cervix more ready for a vaginal delivery.  Slightly discouraged at the prospect of another day without my baby in my arms, I did appreciate her concern.  She knew that I did not want a c-section, and she was doing her best to abide by my wishes. 
     I spent the entire morning laboring in bed, attached to the IV (I was allowed up to use the restroom).  Although this was not in my plan, it was not bad at all.  I was having contractions, but they were not painful until almost noon, and then never became unbearable.  My Pitocin dose was at 30 mU/minute by the time I was unhooked at 1 pm.  After the Pitocin was unhooked, my contractions quickly lessened, and then totally subsided (something my doctor was not thrilled to hear).  I was initially excited to have the IV stopped because it meant that I was allowed to eat something other than a liquid diet.  After half a day of laboring with only some chicken broth and jello in my stomach, that hospital menu was very appetizing!  We spent the rest of the day hanging out at the hospital, bored and more than a little frustrated.  Eric was a champ through the whole process--he encouraged me, and reminded me of what an amazing thing we were there to do....later.  I stayed at the hospital throughout the night, with intentions of starting labor again in the morning. 
     If I hadn't been completely exhausted from a lack of sleep the night before, sleeping in a labor bed may have kept me awake all night.  As it was, I slept off and on throughout the night, waking up periodically to achy hips due to the thin mattress and strange make of the bed.  My night nurse told me that "these bed are made for birthing, not for sleeping," and offered me a sleeping pill.  I declined, instead spending those final hours of my pregnancy feeling my baby move within me; I felt so amazingly close to him, yet still had not met him. 
     At 5 am, the nurses arrived to ready me for labor yet again.  My IV drip was turned on at 5:30 am, and the Pitocin was started at 6:05 am.  At 7 am, my doctor arrived, and wanted to break my water.  She said that it should speed up my progress, but that if I had not delivered within 24 hours, I would have to have a c-section because of the infection risk.  I agreed, with my fingers crossed that my labor would speed up and progress normally.  At 7:10 am, she broke my water, which felt like nothing more than a pinch, then a huge gush of warm water--which continued to leak for the rest of the day!  My doctor encouraged me to get an epidural (and early!) because she wanted my muscles to be as relaxed as possible, in order for my cervix to open quickly. 
     Immediately after my water was broken, my contractions began to get stronger.  Eric and I watched Saved By The Bell on television for a while, but soon I could barely even concentrate through the contractions.  I was watching my IV dosage and told myself that I would go ahead and get the epidural when I was getting 20 mU/minute of Pitocin.  By 9 am, my contractions were 45 to 50 seconds long, about 3 to 4 minutes apart, and very strong.  I finally relented and asked the nurse for my epidural when my Pitocin was only at 18 mU/minute.
     At 9:30 am, the anesthesiologist arrived to start my epidural.  As he was preparing his things, I noticed that my Pitocin dose was at 20 mU/minute--my original goal for an epidural.  Since I had originally wanted to avoid any medication, I was beginning to get nervous, but he quickly calmed my fears with humor.  My epidural was inserted, with only a pinch and a strange cool sensation throughout my lower back.  As nervous as I was about the procedure, it was ridiculously uneventful.  Immediately, my pain began to lessen throughout the contractions.  Since I was not able to move from the bed now, my nurse inserted a catheter--which I think was the worst part of the entire induction.  It did not so much hurt, as it was very uncomfortable, and remained so until it was removed. 
     My doctor arrived at 1 pm to check my progress, and happily pronounced me to be 5 centimeters dilated.  I did get excited when I realized that I was not going to be moving from that bed until after my baby was born.  It was really happening this time!  During the afternoon, Eric and I passed the time by watching a Psych marathon that was on television.  The nurse came in every half an hour to rotate which side I was laying, and I tried to get a few minutes of napping in here and there.  From that point on, I progressed very quickly (7 cm at 2:20; 9 cm at 3:30). 
     At  4 pm, my nurse came into the room and began preparing me to push.  She removed my catheter and blood pressure cuff.  Several other nurses came with loads of supplies, and everything began to happen in a rush.  I remember looking at Eric amidst all of the crowd and hurry, and thinking that these were our last few minutes of just us. 
     Suddenly, without any sort of a "starting point," without any doctors, without ever being pronounced to be 10 centimeters dilated, at 4:30 pm, I was pushing!  I didn't know if I was doing it right or if anything was happening, but I pushed with all that I could.  My nurses were wonderful--encouraging me through it all, proclaiming me a "good pusher", and promising that my little guy would be out soon!  I pushed and pushed and pushed....and pushed! 
     By the time my doctor arrived, I had been pushing for a half an hour, and the nurses could see the baby's head when I pushed.  But, when I stopped pushing, he would go back up.  Thankfully, his heartbeat remained steady.  We tried pushing while I was on my side, but it was to no avail--this baby was stubborn!  I pushed for an hour, until I was completely drenched in sweat and shaking.  I wanted a break so badly, but I wanted my baby in my arms more!  The longer I pushed, the closer the head came to emerging....but then would disappear again when I stopped to breathe.  Through it all, the baby's heartbeat remained strong and constant.  I remember the nurses telling my husband to look at the baby's head while I pushed, and he did.  My husband, the man who swore that he would not look past my shoulders when I was in labor because he did not want to see anything gross, looked at our baby's head--and when I saw the amazed look on his face, I was even more determined to push harder.  Again, I pushed for all I could, but the baby simply would not descend all of the way.  The more I pushed, the more they monitored his heartbeat--which stayed perfect.
     Soon, my doctor was threatening a c-section.  She knew that I wanted to birth this baby naturally, and she said that she did not want to do a c-section at this point, but she wasn't sure that I would be able to get him out any other way.  She told me that I had 15 more minutes to push, then we were going to have to do a c-section.  When she left to prepare for the surgery, and the nurses began checking me for jewelry to be removed, I was absolutely determined that I was going to deliver this baby naturally.  I pushed even harder and longer than I had been; I was begging my baby to descend in my mind.  I prayed with every breath.  For a half an hour, I pushed with every single muscle in my body.  I focused on my baby, watching his perfect heartbeat on the monitor and praying.  I had three nurses shouting and cheering me on, and my amazing husband whispering encouragement in my ear when I was finally able to push the baby down to where he needed to be. 
     My doctor returned, just in time to do an episiotomy.  I saw her pull out a big needle to numb me, and I prayed that I wouldn't feel it.  I didn't feel the needle or the cut, but I did feel tremendous pressure from my baby's head.  When they finally told me to push, I barely had to push when I felt his head emerging.  Even with my epidural, I felt him come out, and I am so glad for that amazing experience. 
     Nathaniel Isaac was born at 6:03 pm on August 18, 2010.  When he emerged, the doctor was shocked to find the cord wrapped around his neck--after the perfectly steady heartbeat throughout the duration of labor.  He had also had a bowel movement during labor, causing him to be covered in meconium.  It was the scariest moment of my life when she held up my silent baby, began suctioning his mouth and nose, and ordered that someone from the nursery get there immediately.  Although it was probably only a few seconds, it felt like an hour before I heard him begin to cry--and then I started crying too!  I watched them cleaning my baby across the room, while I delivered the placenta (which required no pushing; I felt it practically fall out) and was stitched up. 

     The first time that I got to hold Nathaniel was the most incredible experience.  I was still laying down and being stitched up, so it was an awkward position, but I was finally holding my baby boy in my arms!  He was so tiny and new, and all I wanted to do was hold him forever.  Sadly, they needed to take him to the nursery to be checked, so he was whisked away with my husband. 

     Again, the birthing room was a flurry of activity while nurses cleaned everything up as quickly as they had brought it all in.  Within 15 minutes, I was left alone in the room with a menu and told to order myself dinner quickly before the cafeteria closed.  It was a strange feeling to be truly alone for the first time in 9 months.  I had just done the most amazing thing of my entire life, and there was nobody there now to talk to about it.  I wanted to see my baby and my husband more than anything.

     It wasn't long before my husband arrived to tell me that Nathaniel was 6 pounds, 8 ounces, and 20 inches long.  He was getting warm, but would soon be allowed to come back to see me.  He was perfect.  I cried when I heard the news.  Eric was thrilled to be a father, and rushed back to be with our son.  My dinner arrived, and I quickly ate.  Soon, Eric and Nathaniel came to see me, and I finally got to hold my baby while my husband made lots of phone calls to tell our family the exciting news!

Dramatic 9th Month.

     Throughout my pregnancy, I imagined what my baby's birth would be like a million times.  In my mind, I would probably go a little past my due date (this being my first baby), my water would break, I would labor at home for as long as possible, we would frantically rush to the hospital in the middle of the night, a nurse would put me in a wheelchair and race me to labor and delivery, where I would be checked and pronounced to be dilated at least 8 or 9 centimeters, and, within an hour or two, I would be pushing, when suddenly my perfect baby would make an entrance into the world!  Easy peasy, right? 
     I knew that birth doesn't always go as planned, but I figured I might as well psych myself up for a wonderful experience, rather than worry about the unknown.  I did know that I definitely wanted a few things: A) to begin labor on my own, B) to labor at home, C) as little medical intervention as possible {no medicine}, D) a vaginal birth.  In the end, I only got one of my four wishes, and you know what?  It was still the most amazing experience of my entire life.
     Although I wasn't aware of it, my carefree pregnancy was coming to a crashing halt when I went to my doctor's appointment on August 2.  My blood pressure was high, and my doctor immediately ordered a non-stress test (to see how the baby was handling life in the womb) and blood work (to check for pre-eclampsia).  Although the non-stress test came back showing a perfectly healthy baby, my labs were not so good.  I was admitted to the hospital overnight for a 24 hour urine analysis, and numerous non-stress tests and blood pressure checks.  Finally, after a long 24 hours, I was released to go home--with orders that I was to be on strict bed rest and a low sodium diet for the duration of my pregnancy. 
     Staying in bed, watching television, reading books, and relaxing--sounds wonderful, doesn't it?  Just what every pregnant woman wants?  Perhaps for a day or two....after that, not so much.  For me, bed rest was tough because there was still so much to be done before the baby arrived!  I was home all day, I felt perfectly fine--and I was not allowed to do anything except lay on the couch.  Ugh.  To make matters worse, after 24 hours of bed rest, we endured a huge thunderstorm that knocked out our electricity.  For three whole days.  Now I was on bed rest without air conditioning, without television, without radio, without ice cubes, without lights!  I read four novels in three days, while maintaining a perpetually bad mood.  According to my husband (who was actually allowed to leave the house!) our street was the only one within this half of the city still without power.  Encouraging, right?  By the time our power clicked back on, I cried (thank you, pregnancy hormones...). 

     I spent the next two weeks enjoying the numerous amenities available within my electricity-charged house--suddenly, bed rest wasn't so bad when I could enjoy a DVD and frozen yogurt, all with a side of air conditioning!  My husband spent the time that I was on bed rest, proving what an awesome and amazing husband/daddy he is.  He finished the entire nursery, put together all the rest of the baby gear, unpacked an entire dining room full of post-move boxes, cleaned out the basement, did laundry, and even cooked me suppers!  Despite my frustrations, I truly fell in love with him all over again during those long days.  He understood why I wanted to help, but he insisted that I follow the doctor's orders for the sake of our baby--and myself! 
     During my two weeks of bed rest (which felt like about two months), I did not leave the house--except to go to doctor's appointments, non-stress tests, and for more lab work every three days.  While my hands and arms were black and blue because of my "bad veins", I did become a pro at punching that little button for the non-stress tests.  And, with my doctor threatening a delivery every time I visited, my levels remained steady, and my baby continued to thrive.  I was not getting better, but I was not getting worse either.  I remained on bed rest, under close watch. 
     On Friday, August 13, after an early morning non-stress test, I received a phone call from my doctor.  She told me that she wanted to see me on Monday, and to bring my bags because I would probably not be leaving the hospital until the baby was born.  I was excited, but nervous.  Eric and I spent the weekend making sure that every single thing was ready for the baby--the nursery was finished, laundry was done, carpets were vacuumed, the refrigerator was stocked, and my bag was packed!
     We arrived at the doctor's office on Monday morning, ready for a baby!  After a blood pressure check, my doctor was surprised, and slightly confused, about why it was so low.  She wanted to know what I had been doing, and how my blood pressure could have dropped at this point!  I didn't have any answers, but I was glad to hear the good news!  Despite the sudden drop, my doctor did not want to take any chances--she scheduled me for a labor induction the next morning at 6 am.  While I was glad for one more night at home with my husband, I was a little disappointed that I was, indeed, leaving the hospital with a baby still inside of me!  We arrived home, and spent our last day as "just a couple" relaxing (everything was already done!), and we even had one last ice cream date that night! 

Pregnancy.

     On Christmas Day of 2009, I woke up feeling queasy and tired.  After a lazy morning of apple juice and gift opening, I told my husband that I was either pregnant, or had a touch of the stomach flu.  Again.  (I spent Christmas 2008 sick.) 
     Since I had been charting my fertility cycles for months, I knew that I was only 10 days past ovulation, which is a little early for a pregnancy test to be accurate, and I didn't really want the disappointment of a negative test, so I decided not to test for a few more days (my goal: I would take a pregnancy test on my birthday {5 days post-Christmas}). 
     We spent Christmas Day visiting family--during which I continued to feel ill; the house felt too hot, the smell of food was overwhelming, and everyone was just so loud!  By 7 pm, I could barely keep my eyes open for the ride home.  Obviously, I was sick.  When we arrived home, I decided that 5 days was far too long to wait, and decided to take a pregnancy test then and there.  The second pink line that showed up was only visible if I squinted and held the test just so.  I decided that it was negative.  But, as the next day passed, I began to doubt my decision.  By Sunday afternoon (12/27), I impatiently decided to take another test.  This time, there were definitely two pink lines!  I was in shock, and raced downstairs to make sure that Eric could see the second line too!  He could, although he didn't seem to quite comprehend the news. 
     Throughout the next few weeks, it began more and more apparent that I really was pregnant!  I took about 15 pregnancy tests (I had them, so I might as well make sure, right?), and they all showed me the two pink lines that I was so excited to see!  I called my OB and set up an appointment. 
     By the time my doctor's appointment came, I was 8 weeks pregnant.  To my surprise, she turned on the ultrasound machine and gave us our first peek at our little one.  We saw a nice, strong heartbeat, and I was in love!  At our 12 weeks appointment, we got to have another look at the baby, who was finally starting to look suspiciously like a real baby!  I was given a due date of September 4, 2010. 
     After our 12 week appointment, we shared the news of our pregnancy with everyone we knew!  Our families were thrilled, and we could not wait! 

     I loved pregnancy, I truly did.  I never experienced all of those nightmarish pregnancy stories that some women can tell as an effective form of birth control.  I only had "morning sickness" a total of three times (all in the evenings), although I did spend an entire month eating only popsicles after 4pm.  By the time that I began to feel my little one moving inside of me, I could not have been happier.  In April, we found out that A) we were having a boy, and B) that baby boy looked perfectly healthy in every way. 
     As we began collecting tiny blue onesies and reading baby name books, I could not imagine a better life.  My pregnancy was flying by without any complications, and it was wonderful.  Being pregnant made me feel amazing, beautiful, and confident.  Feeling my baby kicking and rolling within me, made me feel like a mother.