Loving Two.

I found this poem a few minutes ago, and it really seemed to hit home for me. Obviously, I don't have Baby #2 in my arms yet (and he's a boy!), but I do find myself "worrying" about loving two babies sometimes. I keep telling myself that Nate will love having a sibling (eventually!), and that, in my opinion, a sibling is one of the very best gifts I could ever give him. But, while I wholeheartedly believe both of those things to be true, I can't help but worry about my boy and his transition from Only Child to Big Brother. I know that we'll all have adjustments to make, and I know that everything will work out--and I even know that life will be amazing with two children! But, there's a little part of me that is secretly dreading the moment when my little boy realizes that he isn't the one and only center of our world any longer.


LOVING TWO

I walk along holding your two year old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly, I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you? Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't." I know, in fact, that I never can again. You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship that we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again. But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her- as though I am betraying you. But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection. More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times -- only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you--only differently. And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you--you each have your own supply. I love you both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
-Author Unknown

Wordless Wednesday.

Happy Monday!

Mothers' Day.

My biggest source of pride and my favorite blessing is a little boy who calls me "momma" every single day. He might only be three feet tall, but he's taken over every aspect of my life. He's sweet and gentle and busy--and just a little bit spoiled! He's growing and learning, and he's going to be the best big brother in the world very soon. I love him with a love that I cannot even begin to describe. It's a love that I can't even imagine feeling for another human being--but, I know that I will, and I cannot wait!
My very favorite moment of the day is the first few moments that we're awake in the morning. Sunlight filters into the bedroom through the curtains, and Nate curls his little body tight up against my side. He rests his head on my pillow, and his arms clutch his teddy bear and while his fingers lace in and out of my own. We're still drowsy, but the thumps coming from my midsection let me know that my littlest guy is already wide awake! I hold my "bigger" little boy with one arm, and rest the other arm on the acrobat in my tummy. I know that we've got lots of changes headed our way within the next few months, and I can't wait--but, right now, this is as good as it gets. I close my eyes and relax, thankful for so many blessings.
I've been spoiled today, not only with cards and flowers and a mani/pedi gift certificate(!), but with love! I am so very blessed beyond belief. I know that my little one loves me (and doesn't even begin to understand the concept of Mothers' Day), but seeing his proud little face this morning as he handed me the "quack-quack" card that he picked out himself was precious. Likewise, I know that my husband loves and appreciates me every day, but reading his heartfelt words in his own card this morning was a tearjerker! Sometimes, I can't help but wonder why I am so blessed. I'm not a perfect mom, and I'm far from a perfect person--why has God entrusted me with such a precious husband and little boy(s)? I definitely don't deserve this life. I am humbled and honored by all that I have on this Mothers' Day, and I sincerely hope that you are as blessed as I.

Happy Mothers' Day!!

New Ride!

We bought a new car today. As excited as I am for a {bigger!} new set of wheels, I am a little reminiscent about our "old" car.

Eric bought our little blue Aveo during the summer before we were married. That little car carried us on many date nights that summer/fall. It took us from our wedding ceremony to the reception, and later that night to our very first home together. That little car carried us off on our honeymoon. It carted us around during our early years of marriage--to work, on dinner dates, to get our new pets. It took us on our first vacations. It moved many of our belongings from our first rented house to our first bought house. It carried us to the hospital to turn our little family of two into three. That car carried our sweet baby boy home for the very first time. That little car has carted our tiny family in our day to day lives for a long time.

But, as nostalgic as I might feel, it's time for a change--primarily because two carseats would not fit in the backseat of the Aveo comfortably, not to mention gear for two kids!

So, we waved "bye bye" to our little blue car today, and welcomed a Nissan Rogue to be our new family vehicle! Here's to hoping that we don't have too much "kid gear" for a mini-SUV (at least not for a while yet!)!

100 days!

There are only 100 days left until August 17th (Baby Boy's due date)! That means that it is very likely that we could meet our littlest guy in LESS THAN 100 days! (Or, a few more than 100 days....) It also means that in only 101 days, my "little" big boy will turn TWO YEARS OLD! When they say that time flies, they aren't a kiddin'!

For the love of duckies...

Nate has always had a fondness for animals of any kind. Right now, the majority of his vacabulary has something to do with animals/animal sounds. His favorite books are about animals, his favorite toys are toy animals, and his favorite places are the zoo and the park. Why the park? One word: DUCKS! Ducks are currently competing for the top spot as Nate's favorite animal (also in the race: dogs and kitties). He is constantly asking to go see the "quack quacks" at the park--every single time we climb into the car, we hear a little voice questioning, "Quack quack?" from the backseat. And, a few times a week, we oblige and visit the ducks. Nate can spot a duck from a mile away--swimming, sleeping, even hiding! To our great excitement, we discovered a whole family of baby ducks at the park a few days ago.

Among Nate's other current favorite things? His flock of rubber ducks in the bathtub, and his stuffed quacking ducky that he found all by himself at a second-hand sale. (And, since it's second-hand, Mommy and Daddy can only wonder when the duck will succumb to silence....!)

Wordless Wednesday.

May Day!

Today is the first day of May. I can hardly believe how quickly April flew by, and now I'm hoping that May takes its good old time! In the past, May has always been a bit of an exciting month. In elementary school, May was a month of field trips and rediscovering the backyard. In high school, May was the end of the school year and the beginning of summers full of friends and late nights. During college, May was finals and clearing out of the dorms. Twice, I've graduated during the month of May. Once, I eagerly anticipated moving home for a summer with my new boyfriend. Once during May, Eric and I were moving back to the USA and happily planning our wedding. Two Mays ago, we were settling into our new house and unpacking a new baby's nursery. This year, May means that we only have three more months until our second baby is due (!!!). It means that we only have three more months until Nathaniel turns TWO YEARS OLD!! It means that Eric is almost finished with his first full year of teaching high school. It means that I can finally get more plants into our ground here in Zone 6. But, best of all, May of 2012 means that our summer is on the brink of beginning! Our weather today is gorgeous--sunny, 74 degrees, and just a bit of a breeze rustling through the trees. It's a perfect May 1. Happy May Day!

He wants to be just like Daddy....

Prom.

My husband is chaperoning our local high school prom right now, while I'm sitting at home in my pajamas, drinking hot tea, and blogging. Nine years ago, we were attending this same high school's prom together--but not "together." It's funny how things can change so very much in such a relatively short period of time, isn't it?
During our senior year of high school, Eric and I spent a lot of time together. I had quite a crush on him, and eventually he developed a mutual one. We dated for a very short period of time, and then he broke things off (about 2 weeks before the prom) because he was afraid that our relationship would ruin our friendship. In his words, "You're such a good friend, and I don't want to lose you. I know that by dating, we will eventually break up--and then things will be too weird to be friends." My response: "How do you know we'll break up? Maybe we'll keep dating, get married, and someday have a couple of kids!" In hindsight, that probably wasn't the wisest thing to say to a 17-year-old boy. We broke up.
But, for some reason unbeknownst to me, Eric still asked me to be his date for prom. I still remember getting up that morning to go to my hair appointment, anxiously applying my make-up at home, getting into the dress (I was convinced that it was the most beautiful dress in the world!), and feeling nervous butterflies in my stomach when I heard the doorbell ring! But, as soon as I opened the door and we got past the awkward hellos, the exchange of flowers, and the multitude of photographs in my front yard, things were normal. We were in the car (it didn't matter to where), and we were together. I remember talking to him, and simply enjoying his company again. We visited Eric's parents at their restaurant to show off our finery (I remember his mom wanted to see my shoes!), and then stopped at his grandparents' house to do the same. (That was the first time that I'd met Eric's grandparents, and I really didn't expect to see them again. Who would have guessed that we'd be taking our little boy over to that same house for them to spoil 9 years later?)

We ate our pre-prom dinner with two other couples at a local church that regularly hosted "teen night" events. We'd agreed to to come to the catered dinner as a favor to a friend who promised us that there would be "lots of people" there. The six of us had plenty to eat that night!
After dinner, we went to the dance. Honestly, I don't remember a whole lot about our senior prom. I remember talking to friends, taking a million pictures, and dancing with Eric. My most vivid memory is of us dancing the very last dance of the night together. He held me in his arms, we swayed back and forth, and we talked about some nonsense. I reallyreallyreally wanted him to kiss me! And, a few times, I thought he came close....but it didn't happen. At the end of the night, I felt a twinge of sadness because I "knew" that had been my last chance.
Eric did reconcile his lack of kissing me when we were in the car after the dance, by telling me that I looked beautiful that night, and he was sorry for not telling me so beforehand!
While my husband attends this prom alone, I am content to be here at home--listening for our sleeping baby, thinking about our own prom so long ago, and waiting for my husband. It is funny how things work out--that break-up meant to "preserve" our friendship? It completely ruined it for almost a year. After that, we decided to go ahead and give dating another try. Five years later, it turned into a marriage. Two years after that, Baby #1 arrived. And, in a few short months, Baby #2 is due to arrive! And, I'm happy to report that our friendship is still very much in tact!

24 weeks.

Once again, I've abandoned the old blog for other "naptime activities", namely reading, cleaning up from our mornings, or taking a nap myself. And, apparently, while I've been gone, Blogger has reformatted its composition page....so it's possible that this post might never even make it's way onto the blog! Anyway. Life has been chugging along in our household. I'm 24 weeks pregnant today--I feel about 34 weeks, and I'm not sure where that's leaving me for the rest of the summertime! Baby Boy is a very active fellow (more so than Nate was at this point, I think), mostly late in the evenings or early mornings. Fetal movement is by far my favorite part of pregnancy (you know, other than the whole BABY at the end!), so I've been loving all of the kicks/jabs/pokes/rolls. I feel like I've gotten HUGE recently, and my doctor even mentioned that the baby was measuring big during last week's appointment. I've read that many babies hit a major growth spurt right around 23 weeks, so I'm hoping that Baby Boy is just growing fast--and will not necessarily still be measuring "big" when I deliver! I've had lots of pressure in my pelvis recently, and I think I've started the "pregnancy waddle" a little earlier than I did during my last pregnancy. As far as cravings go, I've been thinking (or obsessing) about a chai latte for about 48 hours now, so I'm guessing that a trip to Panera might have to be added to our weekend itinerary!

Post-Easter!

After 10 days without Eric, we finally welcomed him home from his trip to Europe yesterday! His plane even landed almost an hour early, so he was here in plenty of time for Easter dinner! He came bearing lots of presents and hugs--all of which were well received from both Nathaniel and me! And, after getting several surprises from Daddy, Nate also got to open his Easter basket....

Mommy-ing alone...

Eris is out of town this week. Actually, he's out of town for 10 days. Now, 10 days might not sound like a very long time.....but it is. Trust me. I love my son more than anything--but parenting a toddler alone is tiring! I've never realized just how much I really do depend on my husband to watch Nate for just a little while in the evenings so I can do simple things like make dinner, shower, or just visit the bathroom alone. I'm sure that being pregnant isn't helping the matter, but I am exhausted!! My mom and dad have been great this week--inviting us over for dinner almost every night. Not only does that mean that I don't have to cook/wash dishes; it also means a few extra sets of eyes are watching my boy for the evening! We have had a good week together (lots of long walks, arts and crafts, and Easter preparation), but I think it's safe to say that neither one of us can wait for Eric to arrive on Sunday! Nate has been asking for his daddy daily since Eric left, and he sent the computer the most kisses I've ever seen him throw when he spotted Eric on Skype yesterday!!

Baby Products.

Since I'm getting to the point in this pregnancy that I'm starting to sort Nate's baby things/buy new baby things, I got to thinking about my favorite (and least favorite!) products. This is a list (in no particular order) of my most essential products when Nathaniel was a baby.....we'll see soon enough if Baby #2 follows in his big brother's footsteps (er, crawls?)!

My Favorite Baby Products:

Nosefrida Snotsucker - This product is, hands down, my favorite baby item. It is used to, you guessed it, suck the snot out of a baby's nose! It's easy to use, and way more effective than those little blue bulb suctions that they pass out at the hospital (and those are way better than the store-bought ones!). The Nosefrida is a contraption that actually allows you physically to suck the snot from the baby's nose, meaning that you have lots more control over the suction. There is a filter (and lots of space) between your mouth and those boogers. I can't imagine that many babies really enjoy the snot-removal process, but this is about as painless as it gets. And, I credit this little contraption with teaching my son how to blow his nose himself. Really. I can't express enough how useful this product has been during the last 19 months--especially when Nate has gotten a cold.

Moby Wrap - I loved my Moby Wrap, and I can't wait to use it again! I ordered mine when Nate was probably about a month old, and we used it constantly until he was about 8 months old (he didn't outgrow it, but wanted to stretch out his legs more than the Moby allowed). It was a lifesaver when he wanted to be carried around all day, and I had housework to do. It was also handy for getting out of the house easily with a small baby (to take walks, carry him around the store, etc). If you don't know the benefits of baby-wearing to both parent and child, I can't encourage you enough to read this article! After we stopped using the Moby, I used the Ergo carrier. I liked the Ergo a lot, and I would absolutely recommend it for a larger baby--but nothing beats the Moby for infant carrying!

Lansinoh Lanolin Cream - I stocked up on every nursing "essential" that I could find before Nate was born because I really wasn't sure what to expect. What I found out was simple: the only nursing products I really needed were my breasts and a baby. And, to eliminate embarrassing wet spots while in public, nursing pads (Lansinoh was also my favorite brand of nursing pads because they were the only ones that didn't appear bulky under my clothes.). It was several months before I realized that lanolin cream was a real essential! When Nate started teething, he occasionally bit me when he was finished nursing. It was after the very first tooth popped through that those bites started to HURT. Lansinoh Lanolin Cream was the only product that could provide relief when I was bleeding from that razor-sharp little tooth and needed it to heal up before the next nursing session in only a few hours.

Hyland's Teething Tablets - These teething tablets are an absolute lifesaver for us! When Nate was teething, he was an absolute grump (for good reason!), which, in turn, made me a grump. I gave him Tylenol for the pain/swelling sometimes, but I was uncomfortable using it daily. The teething tablets, on the other hand, I was much more comfortable with because they are a natural, homeopathic remedy. And, truthfully, I think the teething tablets provided faster and longer-lasting relief. If you're interested, you can read my entry here about why I will not use Orajel (or any other product containing Benzocaine).

Snappi Diaper Fasteners - I wasn't sure about this product when I ordered it because I couldn't decide how it worked, but I figured it was worth a shot. I'd been cloth diapering (with prefolds) for a few months, and Nate was getting too wiggly for my old-school diaper pins. The snappi diaper fasteners were a lifesaver! They're easy (and quick!) to use, and eliminated any risk of pin pricks. It's been over a year of daily use, and our snappis are still holding up well. If you're planning to use prefold cloth diapers, Snappis are essential!

Sophie the Giraffe - I bought this toy with much hesitation because it's expensive, and I couldn't justify spending so much money on a simple rubber teething toy. (I only bought it because I had a gift card AND a coupon!) After seeing the way that Nate loved this toy, I would pay full price for another one in a heartbeat (for Baby #2, of course). It was his favorite teether for months, and I never worried about the safety of it. Sophie the Giraffe is made of natural rubber, and colored with food-grade paint. She is very lightweight, squeaks when squeezed, and appeals to babies visually. On top of all that, she is adorable!

Most Overrated Products:

Boppy Pillow - I know that this pillow gets a whole lot of hype for being the most essential baby product, but I never really got much use out of ours. I honestly thought that it was more comfortable to rest Nate on a regular throw pillow when I was nursing/rocking him; the Boppy was just too big and bulky for me.
I will admit that I used the Boppy behind/around Nate when he was learning to sit up fairly often. But, again, as soon as he got some control of his core muscles (when he stopped falling sideways), I just used a regular throw pillow behind him (for falling backwards). Sitting him "in" the Boppy was convenient at first, but as soon as he got more confident in his sitting abilities, he starting wiggling around so that he was out of the Boppy. And, as soon as he'd wiggled out of the Boppy, it was simply a pillow surrounding the hard floor where he would fall back and hit his head. A regular pillow behind him didn't move, and he rarely hit his head that way.

Swaddle Blankets - I received several of these special swaddling blankets (in several different brands) before Nate was born. To me, they looked a bit complicated to use, but I washed them all because I "knew" they were essential. When he was born, I think I used one of them one single time. It was easier for me to simply swaddle him in a regular blanket, especially during the winter months when I wanted to use a fuzzy, warm blanket, rather than the thin cotton swaddlers. I think that the swaddle blankets are good for confining babies who fight their way out of a swaddle, but we never had that problem.

What baby products do you love? What "essential" product did you never use? I'd love to hear your opinions on these (or any other popular) baby products!
All of the above opinions are my own personal opinions/experiences. I was not compensated to write about any of these products.

Say "cheese"!

Does it mean that you're a little camera-crazy when your 19-month-old has already perfected the cheesey grin for every time you snap a picture??

Wordless Wednesday.

The Hat.

What's a boy to do when Mommy attempts to put his favorite winter hat away for the season? Obviously, snag it and wear it daily to prove that warm weather is just as hat-worthy as cold!

1st Zoo Trip of the Year!

Thanks to my parents' generous Christmas gift of a zoo pass, we have been eagerly awaiting warm weather! And, thanks to the abnormally warm weather recently, we were finally able to visit our local zoo last weekend. Nathaniel loved visiting all the animals and riding the train! His favorite animal was a chicken that he eagerly approached and "quack quack"-ed at!

Wordless Wednesday.