Fierce Love.

I recently read a blog entry by a woman who described her love for her children as "fierce". I've never thought of love in that manner before, but I like it. As a mother, I do feel a fierce love for my son. We've all heard about mama grizzly bears and their "fierce love"/protectiveness for their cubs. And, I must admit, as a human mother, I feel that same way for my baby. I cannot imagine anyone/anything ever hurting my little one, but, oh, if I ever saw it, I have a feeling that I could do some damage. I completely understand now why there are stories of mommies pulling cars off of their little ones, and daddies running into burning buildings for their babies. I would give up my own life in a split second for my son--no doubt about it!

Before Nathaniel was born, I loved him. I was terrified that something might go wrong, or that I wouldn't be able to carry him full-term. I loved that little heartbeat on the monitor, and I cherished those fluttery kicks in my belly. I knew that my son would change my whole outlook, and I knew that he would become my life, and I knew that I would love him more than words could describe. But, I didn't know just how incredibly true those things really would be!

The love that I have for my son is incredible. It's the reason that his pudgy little arms clinging to my neck makes my heart melt into a puddle. It's the reason that I can't read "Just In Case You Ever Wonder" or "Guess How Much I Love You" or even the last page of "Night-Night, Little Pookie" without getting a lump in my throat. It's the reason that I take approximately 800 photos every week. It's the reason that a single wail sends me flying across the house. It's the reason that I'll dance around like a goof just to hear him giggle--over and over again! It's the reason that I'll keep wearing a shirt with applesauce on the front and spit on the sleeve. It's the reason that I can't hold him for 30 seconds without kissing those adorable cheeks. It's the reason that I think my baby is the cutest baby EVER. It's the reason that after Nate falls asleep, I'll check on him multiple times every hour. It's the reason that I don't mind waking up in the morning to two little fists pummeling my head--and that little toothy grin as soon I open my eyes makes every night waking worth it!

Sometimes I can't imagine that I'll ever be able to love another baby as much as I love Nate. I've heard that when {theoretical/future} baby #2 arrives, the mother's heart grows a million times over, and she is suddenly capable of loving both children with that immense love. I believe that it's true, and I'm sure that I'll love all of our children equally--an intense, fierce love. But, right now, I cannot imagine it. Nathaniel will someday become a big brother, and he won't be my littlest baby then. But, he will always be special because he was my first. He is the one who made me a mother--the one who gave me my proudest moment. He's the one who made me what I always wanted to be: a mommy.

My love for Nathaniel is so strong, so fierce that I can't even stand to think about bad things happening to him. And, when I say "bad things", I mean scraped knees and bee stings--I can't make my mind go further than that. I can totally relate to Mama Grizzly and her protective instincts now...I think it's just a mom instinct; there is no species division.

Sometimes I think about when Nathaniel grows up; I hope he finds a wonderful, Christian woman to marry. But, sometimes I think about the search to find that woman--will there be girls in high school who turn him down? Will his college girlfriend who he thinks is the one, turn out to be a fraud? Will he have a broken heart at times? Probably. Maybe I'm too much of a sap, but I could just cry when I think of a girl hurting my baby--even though he'll be a big boy! {Wait, is this how terrible mother-in-laws start out???? Haha!)

I know that it's totally unrealistic and impossible, but I just want to protect my boy from the world! There are so many things/people who hurt, and I don't want to ever see him in any pain. And, while I might be coming across as a crazy, over-protective momma right now, it's all that fierce love showing. I know that I won't always be able to shield him from the world, but, for now, I can. And, I will. He's my baby, and I'm his momma--and this fierce love is what we share.