Thoughts on #2.

I'm feeling so many different emotions about our unborn child right now. Of course, I'm excited! I can't wait to find out if we're having a boy or a girl, I can't wait to hold him/her in my arms, and I can't wait to be a family of four.
But, as excited as I am, there is a little part of me that feels like Baby #2 is already getting the shaft! When I was pregnant with Nathaniel, I thought about the growing baby in my belly all. the. time. Now, I do think about this baby daily, but I'm too busy chasing Baby #1 around most of the time to think about what miracle is going on in my tummy! When I was pregnant with Nathaniel, we read a chapter of two different books each Thursday night as we jumped to a new week of pregnancy. This time, we change weeks on Fridays, and I typically remember to glance through the books sometime on Saturday or Sunday. Or Monday. When I was 17 weeks pregnant with Nathaniel, we had already bought several items for the baby (onesies, toys, etc). So far, I've only gotten three boxes of nursing pads for Baby #2.
And, although we don't know the sex yet, I'm already feeling a bit of guilt because I know that if we have another boy, he's already got about 12 boxes of hand-me-downs to wear! Heck, they're even going to have birthdays in the same season--everything should fit! Not that I think there is anything wrong with hand-me-downs (obviously), but every child deserves a few new things, right? It has even crossed my mind that if we have another boy, I could just decorate his room with the things that I've taken out of Nate's room recently. Is that terrible? To top it all off, we have absolutely NO IDEAS for boy names. None. We do have a girl name picked out (leftover from pregnancy #1), but I cannot think of a single other boy name that I love. I jokingly told Eric that if we have another boy, we'll just have to call him Isaac Nathaniel. But, the more I think about it, I think I was serious.
I suppose that once we find out the sex of Baby #2, I'll feel a little more connected to him/her. (And, there is a 50% chance that that entire last paragraph of guilt is unfounded.) To be honest, I don't remember if I felt any more or less of a connection to Nathaniel when I was 17 weeks pregnant with him. He was my first, and I didn't really know what to expect. I was excited (as I am now), but I didn't really know what I would eventually feel for him. This time, while I don't know this baby yet, I do understand a smidgen of the love that I will feel when I get to hold him/her and breathe in that sweet newborn scent.
Perhaps the most vivid memory of my life was the moment that Nate was born--I can still see the doctor holding his tiny body up in the air like it was yesterday. I don't remember a whole lot about anything else that happened during those minutes, but I remember the first second I could finally lay eyes upon my son. And, second only to the moment that Nathaniel gets to meet his new baby sibling, I am anticipating that moment again. What a miraculous thing it is to bring life into the world, and what a wonderful feeling it is to be a mother! The more I think about it, nothing else really matters. Baby #2 won't care whether or not I read a chapter of a pregnancy book every Friday, and he/she won't care if the onesies in the dresser are brand-new or leftover from Big Brother. All that Baby #2 will need is love and caring, and we've got plenty of that to give!! And, I guess the name thing might be a big deal....!