Sleep Training?

Once again, Nathaniel has been changing his sleep habits. And, once again, we've both gotten frustrated; he because he's sleepy {or not!}, and me because I don't know what he wants or how to get him to sleep when I just know that he's tired! When he was wee bitty, Nathaniel could fall asleep anywhere. Then, it turned to a few select places, including his swing, the Mody wrap, his carseat, cuddled on the bed, and in my arms, preferably while we rocked together. Recently, he's changed his mind about all of those options....although the carseat and the glider still do the job on occasion!

We went through several "napless" days and even more late bedtimes--which combined and gave me one grumpy baby. I knew that he was grumpy because his sleep pattern was off, but for some reason, that didn't make me any less frustrated with our situation. I've fought for 90 minutes just to get him to sleep for 40. {Do you know how much housework can be done in 40 minutes....after a bathroom break and a quick breather? Not much.}
So, after particularly noisy attempt at fending off his usual nap-during-the-sermon, I was frustrated and not nearly in the right mindset. And, when a certain someone nodded her head sagely and told me,
"I know how to get a baby to sleep! Just put him in his crib and leave," I left church feeling much less friendly, and much more annoyed. But, as much as I have known that our parenting methods are the right ones for our family, I began to doubt myself when bedtime approached. And, as bedtime came and went, I tried all of the usual tricks to no avail.
An hour and a half later, I plopped him into his crib and huffed out of the room. Put him in his crib and leave? Done. He cried. But, we didn't go to him; I was determined that we would at least try the Ferber "Cry It Out" Method. Sure, I claimed that I'd never use it, but, hey, all parents know that we do lots of things that "we'd never do to our children" when we actually have children. So, there we were....Nate was crying in his bed, and we were sitting in the living room waiting. And waiting. And, eventually, I was sitting in the living room crying too. But, as much as I hated what I was doing to my baby, I was even more determined to give Ferber a one time shot. So, we waited some more. The crying in the bedroom turned to complete wailing, and I started to feel sick to my stomach.
I headed to my favorite parenting resource: the Google search engine. I looked up the Ferber method, and, as it turns out, I was wrong. I supposed to be going in to check on my baby every so many minutes....like maybe every 3 minutes the first night. At this point, he had been screaming for 45. Had my advice-giver used the official Ferber Method in sleep training her babies 20+ years ago? Doubtful. But, if I was going to use Cry It Out, I was totally going to use the researched method!
I abandoned the computer search along with my ridiculous determination and raced into the bedroom to cuddle my boy. And, whad'ya know, he was asleep in my arms within minutes. As I felt his little body go limp with relief and sleep, I realized that it's not such a big deal. Sure, I was tired of trying to get him to sleep earlier, but was it worth getting the both of us so upset? I know that babies cry, but I truly believe that leaving my boy to feel abandoned in his bed while he screams for mommy is a mean thing to do. Why do I continually doubt myself as a parent every time we hit a bump in the road?! Cry It Out might work for some babies, but not for my boy--or for his momma! Holding him tight, breathing in his milky skin, and listening to his steady breath--interrupted now by hiccoughs, I cried again.
Why is it that we feel the need to force babies to fall asleep alone? Why do I think that he should instantly sleep as soon as his head hits the sheet? So often, I am annoyed that Nate won't fall asleep quickly enough because I have something else that I think I'd rather be doing. But, really, what a stupid thought! There is nothing in this world that I would rather be doing than rocking my baby! Just last night, I noticed how big he's getting--suddenly, he barely fits in my lap to nurse. When did he get so big? And, why on earth am I wishing away my cuddle time with my baby?!

Next time that our schedule is royally messed up and I've got a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed boy awake at 10PM, I'll have to remind myself to look at just how big he's gotten, and grab him up for some rocking before he's telling me that he's too big to cuddle.